Unresolved distress

[Kitsuki Masakaze]

In the combat, the gunso could not help but laugh, striking a foe and darting away as it fell, striking the next and repeating the action. It was all an exciting game. Kitsuki Masakaze looked up to a portion of the right flank to see a group of Tamori shugenja and their Mirumoto guards rush into the combat hacking with their weapons while others hanged back to bring rocks and fire down on the heads of their foe. It was glorious. The enemy were being pushed back. The gunso recognised one of the chanting faces and smiled before turning back to the immediate enemy.

It was at that point that everything changed for moments later, unexpectedly, a large section of the right flank caught alight from some powerful spell shot from up ahead. Masakaze gaped as many of the Dragon were consumed. One could only look on helplessly as a few, in the heart of the inferno, stubbornly continued to chant.

---

Pulling oneself away from the memory, the gunso tried concentrating again before letting their feelings and thoughts go. The cool air of dawn helped but the very early morning’s meditation was not going well though. Only a few minutes later and another memory surfaced, disrupting the meditation as a water ripple disrupts a pond.

…

“Did you hear about…” Masakaze whispered into the ears of the Scorpion courtier as her eyes widened. Leaning back the two shared a smile before the woman nodded, moving away to share the day’s gossip with a friend. Masakaze smiled, looking for someone else to inform as The Tamori, wreathed in fire…

---

Masakaze pushed it back but it wouldn’t depart.

---

Wreathed in fire, still defiantly chanting…

---

Masakaze tried to remember something else. Anything else.

---

Masakaze laughed heartily with Ichiro Kujisa.  It had been a funny joke. Now it was one’s turn. Lowering the half full sake cup but keeping a cheerful tone, Masakaze started the tale “Okay, let me tell you this one story about a Monkey and a Crane…” Still defiantly chanting. Then large boulders of jade imbued earth fell, crushing a good portion of the horde ahead including where the flames had been shot from. Elsewhere…

---

Masakaze’s eyes nearly shot open. Why could one not forget? The Kitsuki harshly forced another memory to take its place.

---

The gunso was quite tall but surely the kimono was a little oversized? The long sleeves and billowing bottom were quite irregular. Still, it seemed the gunso could do their job well enough – prancing around and drilling the practicing troops in formations without seeming to care about the odd glances they sometimes received for their fashion tastes. The kabuto that looked like some multi horned beast did not assist with their assessment. Some of the veterans who knew the officer better just smiled as they swung their weapons. The image of Masakaze trying to appear as some beast only amused them. Elsewhere a body vanished beneath a sea of fire. Masakaze looked on, horrified. Only the sound of battle brought the bushi back to reality in time to avoid a foe’s blade. There would be time to mourn later. Masakaze steeled oneself and fought on.

---

Masakaze was forced to remember all of this while trying to analyse themselves and see if there now was something fundamentally wrong with themselves. It took quite some time before an answer materialised and a state of no mind was properly achieved.

There was no imbalance. There was no such thing as balance at all in fact. No self. No harmony. No world. Only the void. That which was always present yet never close enough to reach out to. That which always watched from nearby but was never in sight when one wanted it. That which would never leave one’s life but could not be a part of it.

One realised one had not changed. Indeed, never does one change. They only progress along the path set before them; it molding them as necessary. It was not change as it was commonly understood because they were destined to become that way. Who they would become was intrinsic to who they were.

The truth was simple. Masakaze was still a human being, with a human being’s imperfections. Only past this life might that change. The understanding of one’s doubt and troubling feelings was a great relief. The wisdom that it could not be helped was a large weight to bear.

---

The morning meditation over and feeling refreshed, the Kitsuki got ready and made to leave. One was feeling calmer about the world and life again. As the gunso’s fingers touched the tent fabric to move it aside everything painfully reset. A vision of the tent catching light. A familiar face in the middle of the fire. Wreathed in fire. One’s chest was aching again. Steadying themselves, Masakaze exited the tent to find one of the South’s messengers waiting for them. Unbeknownst to one, Masakaze’s lip winced at the intrusion.

“Sorry for pouncing on you sir. Meeting in chui’s tent for breakfast gunso”

Masakaze nodded, already mentally rescheduling the day’s tasks. “Thank you hohei. Please return to your post. I will go to the meeting now”

The slightly younger man nodded but hesitated to move.

“What is it hohei? I’m not going to bite” Masakaze stated, giving the messenger a wry grin.

“You look a little unwell this morning gunso. Are you okay?”

Masakaze became acutely aware of the sweat on one’s forehead and running down one’s neck. The gunso quickly smiled “I could have slept better” one said sincerely but perhaps not truthfully. “I will be fine. Give me one moment”. Darting back in, Masakaze emerged again a few moments later with one’s face covered.

…

Another peculiar mask? Thought the messenger. Greens and golds were depicted swirling across a star on the face of this one. He longed to be away from the gunso – the officer was in a strange mood again this morning.

…

“How does it look?” The gunso asked playfully “Inspiring and mysterious, yes?”. The messenger could only nod. “Well, off you go - back to your unit to await further orders. I will leave for the meeting now”. Masakaze was thankful as the hohei bowed and finally departed. However, one was most thankful for the mask that covered up one’s face – and one’s feelings of regret and sadness. The mask that hid the never ending moment.

Tamori Katsuna wreathed in fire…
Still defiantly chanting…
Then a cursed enemy commander crushed…
Elsewhere a shugenja crumpled, consumed by fire…

It appeared it would never leave the gunso.

[Akodo Heisuke]

Really liked the story, it was a fun read over all, and made us discover that Masakaze is a man

He smiled, looking for someone else to inform as The Tamori, wreathed in fire…

[Kitsuki Masakaze]

Well spotted. Edited out. Unless I did it on purpose to keep up the guessing game. Or because Masakaze views themselves as a he? *chucks out ideas*

Glad you liked the story overall ^^

[Akodo Heisuke]

The plot thickens

[Yoritomo Virendra]

Big font ...

*makes mental note to stay away from the creepy masked Dragon*

 

I liked it!

 

[Yoritomo Amano]

This piece beautifully illustrates the difficulty of ambiguous gender in literature.  It felt a bit awkward in places with the forced use of 'one' in place of 'he' or 'she'.

[Kakita Miki]

This piece beautifully illustrates the difficulty of ambiguous gender in literature.  It felt a bit awkward in places with the forced use of 'one' in place of 'he' or 'she'.

We among the crane understand the challenges of ambiguity; how we must suffer for our art...


Also a very interesting tale.

[Toku Shokami]

I enjoyed it. The view of inside the character's head was interesting, trying to suppress unpleasant memories from war is something I can relate to. It shows the humanity of a character, which sometimes can be hard to do. It made me want to read on, which is always important in a story, and was written well. To the point there was no jarring grammar that detered from the story at all. Very, very good. 

[Kitsuki Yasuko]

The font-size variation as well as the sudden paragraph in red is really drawing the attention away from reading the fiction itself, I feel.
It's not bad, but the format feels cluttered.

[Kitsuki Masakaze]

I agree on the red bit. Wanted to make it clear it was another character's perception but it was unnecessary. I think the font size being larger and then smaller for the fading away lesson was important though. At least you thought it wasn't bad if not okay 

[Kaiu Yosai]

Wasnt that bad of a read. Going to have to avoid burning bodies around you.